Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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