I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
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