you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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