Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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