well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh god it's open bar.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
