Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Randomize
