she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Randomize
