he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
