You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
