I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
