hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
