You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
