he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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