If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
