i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
