Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
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If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
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Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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