In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
