it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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