just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
