Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
