What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
