i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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