I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
false alarm. still invincible.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Randomize
