Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
