did you get engaged???
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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