College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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