There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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