Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
