THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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