Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
