the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My penis needs a shock collar
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
