We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
