So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
