I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
