help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
