this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
