I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
