I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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