i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
