nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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