Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
