no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
