covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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