fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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