he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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