I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
