I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
