I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
