You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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