Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
