watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
