so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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