What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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