I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
