she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
