I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
