I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
