I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
