even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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