I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
