is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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