the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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