What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
