The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
