So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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