you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
