Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
