did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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