i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
