i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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