I skipped work to stalk him.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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