Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
