Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
