Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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