she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
