mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
